I often get asked what is the “best” or “fastest”
way to adopt. Simply put, there is no right answer. The best pathway is
unique for every family, taking into account their goals, openness to
medical and legal risk, comfort level in publicizing their desire to adopt,
availability to build relationships with expectant parents during their
pregnancy, desire to be in control of the process, goals for future contact
with the biological family and budget. I often begin working with clients
by asking pointed questions to learn more about you in these areas so
I can make recommendations. Let’s review some of the different pathways to adopt:
State Adoption. State-run adoptions enable families to provide a loving forever home to
a child who needs a family. Working with the state child protective system
is the ideal choice for families who choose adoption primarily for humanitarian
reasons. It’s also important to keep in mind that the mission of
state child protective systems is to protect and maintain the safety of
children with the goal and directive of keeping a biological family unit
together (also called “reunification”). Such cases often begin
with foster care, which is temporary by definition, and adoption is often
not considered until the passage of time and reunification has proven
impossible. Simply put adoption is a last resort after other options are
exhausted. Pursuing adoption in this manner requires that hopeful adoptive
families be child-centered and strong, capable of providing unconditional
love and nurturing to a child who may have competing emotions and challenging
behaviors due to stress and uncertainty with their biological family.
It also requires patience with a legal process over which they have little
control. For families whose goal is adoption from the start, the mission
can mean risk (both emotional and legal) and delay from achieving their
long-term dream of building a family. Ultimately, the process is the least
expensive means of family building and may entail financial assistance
and other state resources for the child after adoption.
Private adoption. In contrast, biological parents who are certain they cannot parent have
the option to choose voluntary placement soon after birth, or later, if
they believe is in the best interests of their child. The goal of private
adoption laws is to achieve permanency and security for the child as early
in their lives as possible, while balancing the needs and rights of birth
parents. Accordingly, such laws require that birth parents wait until
after they have given birth and the passage of time to make a final decision
about their child. The laws also give equal rights to biological mothers
and fathers to make decisions for their child. If one parent is not participating
in the voluntary plan to place the child, the law affords the non-participating
parent a presumption that he or she has the right to parent his or her
child for a reasonable time after birth. Recognizing that infants demand
significant attention and resources from birth, and that they should begin
to bond with their family from the youngest age, the law requires that
the non-participating biological parent seize the opportunity to parent
within defined timesframes or forfeit his rights.
Private Agency Adoption. Agency placements offer soup to nut services in adoption case, with the
exception of legal services. Agencies provide matching services that enable
adoptive parents to connect with a child who is eligible for adoption,
as well as counseling, legal approval of the adoptive home, court reports,
and serve as a neutral, third party to enable the parties to mesh and
accomplish their respective goals. Agency Placements work well for families
who are comfortable putting their faith in others and waiting until the
right mutual match is found. Agency adoptions require adoptive parents
to be patient and trusting that they will come together with the child
who is meant for them. Agency adoptions are likely the most expensive
pathway to adopt, but offer a pre-defined bottom line, built in counseling
for all parties, more predictable processes and procedures, and a liaison
for communications with birthparents in the short and long-term. Further,
in some states like New Jersey, Agency Placements offer a shorter legal
risk period compared to Private Placements. A birth parent’s rights
may be relinquished to a licensed agency 72 hours or more after a child
is born. Once a birth parent executes the agency surrender form after
having received appropriate counseling, the relinquishment is irrevocable
under the law (absent fraud or duress). This structure gives adoptive
parents taking custody of a new baby great assurance that the adoption
is legally secure and will ultimately finalize. After the birthparents
sign surrenders, the agency becomes the guardian of the child and gives
you supervised physical custody until finalization.
Private Placement/Independent/Person to Person Adoption. In contrast, Private Placement adoptions are a-la-carte, as all services
are provided by a team of people that the parents put together. In private
placements, adoptive parents receive custody directly from the birthparents,
rather than through a third party, and often become intimately involved
with the birthparents during the pregnancy, and possibly thereafter. Private
Placement allows hopeful adoptive parents to have maximum control over
finding a child who is eligible for adoption and bringing that child into
their family. These cases require direct, regular involvement of adoptive
parents to find a child eligible for adoption, using tools such as advertising
and networking. Adoptive parents should be prepared, available and comfortable
talking to birthparents who learn of their interest in adopting. Adoptive
parents and birthparents together forge a relationship to see if their
goals for the child match with one another. If they do, the parties should
each have professionals to help put together a legally secure plan that
meets each of their needs. Birthparents in private cases sometimes contact
adoptive parents through advertising early in their pregnancy, which may
require adoptive parents to put other adoption networking on hold. Private
Placements also require that the professionals providing counseling and
legal services to the birthparents be put together based on geography
and needs, often at the expense of the adoptive parents. Thus, the overall
cost may wind up being lower than an Agency Placement, but the bottom
line and positive outcome may not be known until the end of case.
Only you can determine that best or fastest means of growing your family
through adoption. Understanding your options, knowing yourselves, and
research will help you make the best decision for your family. In the
end, most families feel that luck, fate and having an open heart also
helped lead them to the child who was destined for their family.